HOW TO DONATE TO THE MEMORABLY-NAMED "JESSI 'N' CHRIS ANTI-WAR TORONTO FUND" (JNCAWTF) (jin-KOW-tiff)
Congratulations, dude, for deciding to
donate to this awesomely outrageous fund! You're indeed "radical" to the
extreme! You have chosen wisely, in that your choice results in us getting
Making your monetary contribution is so easy, even you could do it! Just follow these simple steps:
1. Make sure you have a credit
card- or at least access to one. If you do not have a credit card, apply
to several major credit card companies until you receive one. If you are
rejected by all major credit card companies, scrape together some cash and
purchase John Q. Newman's book
Power!: Rebuild Your Credit in 90 Days or Less. Follow the helpful
financial advice contained therein. Once your credit has been repaired to
the satisfaction of one major credit card company or another, apply again
for a credit card. Wait for it to arrive in the mail, and then make sure
you call the activation number that will be denoted on a sticker attached
to your card. (IMPORTANT! Your card will not work until you call that number!)
We cannot accept cash, money orders, or checks, so it is of the utmost importance
that you secure a credit card.
2. Click on the adorable PayPal logo below- or any other such logo that appears around this site. Don't worry- there are plenty of them!
3. A new window will appear. Enter
the dollar amount of your contribution in the box marked "Amount." Unfortunately,
this box can accept only dollar amounts up to seven digits long. For larger
donations, we suggest you just break them up into several smaller chunks.
A donation of ten million dollars, for instance, could be divided into two
donations of eight million each. Trust us on that one.
4. If you are already a PayPal member, you'll need to simply log in and confirm your donation. If you are not an existing member of PayPal, you will need to sign up at this point, and it's something you should probably do anyway. After all, surely there's a set of new age crystals or something on eBay that you will find yourself purchasing at some point, and being part of the PayPal cult will make your splurging on voodoo nonsense that much easier.
5. That's probably it! We imagine you'll then get a confirmation e-mail of some sort, and possibly a personalized thank-you from Chris and/or Jessi themselves once we've pocketed your money! What could be more exciting? (Well, alright, a Howie Day concert could be more exciting, but that goes without saying. He's this generation's John Mayer!)
We honestly and truly appreciate any of you who take the time out of your day and cash out of your bank account to help us out with our anti-war excursion. Thanks!