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Willie's Off-Brand Web Journal: November 5-December 8, 2006

Monday, November 27, 2006:

Why is Gwen Stefani darkening the cover of my new Entertainment Weekly? I’m pretty sure her “sell by” date is long past—a suspicion supported by the fact that the magazine has her dressed like fellow culture sieve Pink, as well as by this excerpt from my big spreadsheet of human relevance:

112,837: Terry Rakolta (ongoing DVD releases of entire Married… with Children series serve as haunting reminder of show’s popularity resulting from Rakolta’s busybody meddling)
112,838: Larry Csonka (explanation pending)
112,839: Delta Burke (enjoying temporary bounce from old interview clip aired on Barbara Walters’s 30 Years, 30 Mistakes special)
112,840: Gwen Stefani (visibility still inexplicably high although actual utility bottomed out shortly before appearance in The Aviator)
112,841: That “eyes without a face” guy whose nose and mouth were apparently blown off by a self-inflicted gunshot, who is often seen panhandling around Ypsilanti (relevance is limited outside of Washtenaw County, but continues to be a fertile basis for unpleasant urban legends… such as that which claims he once went to Tower Inn Cafe demanding free food and, when he was rebuffed, removed some sort of artificial plug from his face cavity and let mucus drain all over the counter)
112,842: Mark S. Allen (his rave reviews of seemingly every film released in the United States mean his blurbs show up occasionally in trailers for cinematic offerings so terrible even Peter Travers [currently #95,611] won’t praise them)
112,843: Heather O’Rourke (dec.)

Incidentally, if you look at the big spreadsheet of relevance that includes non-human creatures, Stefani falls to a position in the high eight figures. Let’s all make a pact to encourage her to step away from the cameras and microphones and live a quiet, comfortable life off the royalties from “Don’t Speak,” yes? Her continued presence exhausts me.

CURRENT MUSIC: Kiss My Arp by Andrea Parker.
CURRENT MOOD: Mean.
MOST RECENT FUNNY THING BEV SAID WHILE TALKING IN HER SLEEP: “And summer arrived with a ‘pwssshh!’”
TIME: 7:07 p.m.

Doot? | |

Sunday, November 12, 2006:

It's probably old news to some of you, but The Comics Curmudgeon is one of the funniest sites on the Internet. Although I've been having a comparatively active weekend (i.e., I went out to buy detergent and an ink cartridge), I've somehow managed to find the time to read about six months' worth of the archives, and have been frightening the birds with my frequent cackling as I've done so. Webmaster Josh simply posts clippings from the daily funny pages and comments on their loonier/lazier elements. It's easy to rag on The Family Circus, of course, but you have to be far more committed to the medium to pen sharp, informed dissections of Apartment 3-G, Mark Trail, and Gil Thorp the way he does. He's also deservedly rough on B.C., and I'm hoping that as I keep reading, I'll come across an evisceration of that strip's tendency toward Christian prosetylism despite the fact that it takes place before Christ, which has always bugged me.

Two entries literally made me laugh until tears were streaming down my face yesterday. This may have more to do with my mind's shoddy circuitry than objective humor value, I admit. (I remember Nathan Rabin's review of Ol' Dirty Bastard's Nigga Please having the same effect on me in 2002, but I now can't figure out why his deadpan descriptions of ODB's absurd lyrics struck me in such a delightful way that my dad had to respond to my giggling with, "Chris, it's not that funny!" from the other room despite having no idea what I was looking at.) Nevertheless, Josh's commentary on this day's installment of Mary Worth and this installment of Pluggers resulted in more collective laughter from me than on any day I can recall. And bear in mind that I saw Borat on Friday, which was also a contender. The Office was really funny on Thursday, too...

Between all that and the results of last Tuesday's election, this was a particularly smiley week for me.

Would've been slightly smilier if Phillip Morris Napier, Thu People's Hero had succeeded in his battle to get a smiley face printed next to his name on the Maine gubernatorial ballot, but you can't win 'em all, I suppose.

CURRENT MUSIC: Notes and the Like by Ms. John Soda.
CURRENT MOOD:
Happy!
WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE ALBUM OF 2006 SO FAR? I'd like the coveted "Willie's Favorite Album of the Year" title to go to something less predictable than Thom Yorke's The Eraser or Yo La Tengo's I Am Not Afraid of You and I Will Beat Your Ass, but they're the front-runners right now. Alternative suggestions?
TIME:
2:37 p.m.

Doot? | |

Friday, November 10, 2006:

I Got Married if you can believe that. To this girl:

Before I begin, I should warn you: if you are not me, reading my ramblings about the wedding may be as intolerable as listening to someone go on about their kids, or someone who isn't Click or Clack talk about cars. You have my permission to skip it if you'd like. Instead, you should go look at this gallery of horrible tattoos (which contains a couple that are really not safe for work).

Okay. Isn't there a passage in the Bible that says something like, "It's not a sin to get married, but it's not a good idea"? I may be paraphrasing, but although I'm very happy that Bev and I are now marriage buddies, I get the point, because the whole process of preparing to be wed was exhausting, stressful, and frustrating, and was likely saved only by the contributions of our friends and family. Even though we planned an extremely casual ceremony and reception, there were still several infinities of decisions and details to attend to. And furthermore, although I tried to limit my decision-making responsibilities to the construction of mix CDs to play at the reception (whose tracklists can be found in Appendix B at the end of this entry), I was unable to get away with it.

The MVP of the whole process was Isla, Bev's best friend and maid of honor. On the Monday before the wedding, Bev drove down to Manchester, New Hampshire, to retrieve her from the airport. They then proceeded to Verizon Arena (ugh) to catch a Mike Doughty show. Unfortunately, it was technically a Barenaked Ladies show, and Mike was doing only a very brief opening set. Bev said he did about six songs, after which she and Isla visited him at the merch table and left. They called me at home that night, and Bev told me, at Isla's prodding, that Isla was upset that Bev made her leave in the middle of the Barenaked Ladies' set. I didn't fall for it, as I already know Isla's musical taste to be nearly flawless. (And whenever I think of a Barenaked Ladies show, I think of Ira Robbins's caution that "you haven't fully loathed a concert crowd" until you've attended one.) Nice try.

At any rate, I expect it was the last bit of fun Isla was to have that week. Bev spent most of the week down on Deer Isle, where she and Isla grew up and their respective parents still live. (Isla: "I'm so happy my parents moved there when I was a kid and not to Crotch Island like they were considering. I'd have to spend my life saying, 'Yes, I'm from the North Crotch!'...") When Bev returned home each night, she'd tell me all the scads of things they'd accomplished, from assembling centerpieces to taking pictures of the route from the ceremony to the reception (which were then e-mailed to guests who might be unfamiliar with the area) to decorating Bev's feet with henna. It was exhausting simply to hear about. And I then got to feel guilty for having such a hard time printing out the liner notes for the CDs we gave out as favors (which can be read in Appendix A), which was my major duty. I palmed it off on the good people at Staples. Furthermore, any time I spoke with Isla before the wedding, although she was as happy and positive as any great friend could be, she also seemed like she was ready for a Rip Van Winkle-style nap. God love 'er.

My best man was T-Bone, who gave a great, funny toast at the reception (tying the fact that we live in Maine in with the episode of Friends in which Phoebe claims that lobsters mate for life and walk around the bottom of the ocean, claw-in-claw), and who received an engraved flask for his trouble. Here's a picture of him tackling me just as Ben was taking a picture at the rehearsal dinner:

Who's this Ben I speak of? Why, Cosmic Ben Marlin, of course! My fellow Internet music critic and one of the best friends I've ever had! He rode a Greyhound up from NYC to be my groomsman, which was exceedingly generous of him, particularly since he had to spend the entire bus trip listening to a fellow rider's stand-up DVD about the differences between black people and white people. (It's true! We're so lame!)

Ben neglected to bring his dress shoes to Maine, and although I told him it was unnecessary, he said he wanted to go pick some up after I retrieved him from the Bangor bus station. We shot over to the Target where Janna works, and on the way, we saw a man standing by the side of the road holding a placard saying, "Republican Jobs China." We surmised that the man was either so sputteringly angry about some political situation that he couldn't be bothered to complete a sentence, or he was waiting to provide a ride for the child of some Magnetic Poetry-lovin' hippie.

(That's Isla and Ben, discussing the Calexico/Iron & Wine collaboration Isla was playing on the stereo at the rehearsal dinner. I have two nearly identical pictures of this moment, and Ben's eyes are closed in both. Sorry, man- I think it's nice anyway.)

Rounding out the wedding party was T-Bone's girlfriend, LeAnne, who stepped in as a bridesmaid after Bev's friend Amber said she couldn't make it. This turned out to be a very lucky break, because in addition to being a tremendously cool and sweet person, LeAnne has been in countless wedding ceremonies, and went about her maidly duties (not those) as though they were no-brainers. For instance, Bev tells me that when it was time to get into her wedding dress, LeAnne was efficiently slapping double-sided tape all over the place as calmly and confidently as crappy local bands slap their stickers on drive-thru windows.

On our wedding day, the 28th of October, the weather was kind of unpleasant, the way 79 mph gusts of rainy wind tend to be. Bev said that most people who approached her before the ceremony tried to comfort her with the "rainy weddings are good luck" adage, but she was too burned out by that point to really be concerned about it. Many of my friends and family approached me with (predictable but nevertheless funny) Alanis Morissette references or the tidbit that our wedding was falling on the fifteenth anniversary of The Perfect Storm. I don't know what the Old Wives have to say about the prognosticative benefits or drawbacks of conflating your wedding with fishing trawler mishaps and the oeuvre of Marky Mark, but... they'd probably be all pinchy about it if I asked them.

Bev's ordained coworker, Dale, married us, Bev's aunt Michelle did a brief reading, and Isla's mom, Sarah, played a cover of The Reindeer Section's "Will You Please Be There For Me" during the ceremony. We were still able to keep the whole thing under 12 minutes, which was our goal. (I once attended a wedding in which the ceremony was hamstrung by an eight-minute version of the Proclaimers' "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles)," and we were determined not to punish our guests that way.) Here are a few pictures of the wedding and/or reception:

(That's Mom, me, and Bev.)

(Steve Knowlton, me, Ben, Amanda, and Sean.)

(Bev and me.)

(T-Bone and LeAnne.)

(Ben and Isla.)

Although many of my friends couldn't attend, it was still awesomely weird to have people I love from all parts of my life running into one another in the same place. Bev and me, sitting at a table, talking with Amanda and Sean, whom I've been close with for a couple years, while we're right next to Adrienne, whom I've known since middle school, and Alanna, whom I've known since first grade (at which point, she reminded me, I was fond of wearing a Fraggle Rock sweatshirt), was really cool. Surreal, too, as when my aunt pulled me away from talking with the Knowltons at the reception because my cousins were having a motherfucking walk-off and wanted me to judge.

The reception was cut a little short because lots of people wanted to make sure they could get home before the weather got even worse- for which I don't blame them, because although our friends and family had done a great job decorating the Brooksville Community Center, it was still not a place you'd like to spend the night. The set was struck, Bev and I went home, opened dozens of thoughtful gifts, and crashed.

On Sunday, we set off on our honeymoon, heading for South of the Border, the pseudo-Mexican theme park just across the border between North and South Carolina. The park's mascot is Pedro, whose borderline racist dielect provides its identity. (From the booklet Pedro Presents: South of the Border Award Weening Billboards comes Pedro's back story: "Pedro bought a wheel of cheese, 3 loaves of bread, borrowed a tobacco crate, and set up business by the side of the road. ... Soon, he changed the sign again: SANWEECH 50¢ Business Boomed! [sic] Pedro sent for hees brother, Pancho. ... In the Mad Rush, Pancho was run over by a New York Cab Driver who had no insurance. Pedro decided queek, he better get off the road.") Bev had been to South of the Border a few times before, on family vacations, but the biggest draw for us was their website's offer of a bed shaped like a sombrero in the honeymoon suites. There's no way to pass up a sombrero bed.

Since South Carolina is something like a 17-hour drive from Bangor, we decided to stay in Washington, DC on Sunday night. Bev made reservations at the Carlyle Suites, because they offer Tempur-Pedic mattresses on their beds. Bev had always wanted to sleep on one of those, but they frown on that at Brookstone, and since we'd already decided upon our ultimate destination largely on thoral criteria, it seemed like a fun idea to add the Carlyle to the list.

Arguably the most exciting feature of the Carlyle Suites was that Sean Dugan (the guy who was crazily hilarious as Timmy Kirk on Oz) was our fellow guest that night. I didn't say anything to him, because he was busy talking with someone and I wouldn't have anything more interesting to say than, "Thanks for being the one actor interesting enough to nearly redeem that lame-ass, quasi-supernatural Luke Perry story arc!" Still, it's nice that my first real celebrity sighting (apart from Maybe That's Judy Greer a year and a half ago) was someone I'm a fan of. It makes a less exciting story to have to follow a line like, "I saw Goran Visnjic on the street!" with, "Yeah, I really dislike Goran Visnjic."

The next day of driving was much easier, and we easily navigated the thousand-or-so miles of South of the Border billboards until we arrived. As advertised on the South of the Border website, we got a complimentary bottle of champagne with our rental of a honeymoon suite the first night. (The consierge denied us another bottle on the second night, saying they no longer offer free champagne to honeymoon guests. I don't know.) One of the clerks handed me a baggie-lined popcorn bucket with a bottle of bubbly and two plastic glasses in it, and asked whether I wanted her to put the bottle on ice or I wanted to do it myself. I told her I could do it myself, because that was clearly the answer she wanted to hear. However, there was no obvious ice machine anywhere in the motel complex, so the bucket had to be filled from the solitary ice tray in our room's kitchenette, thusly:

After dumping our luggage in the room, the TV was turned on. Despite Bev's objections, I quickly became transfixed by the pre-election mudslinging that came through our suite's TV set. Judging by the commercials we saw down there, the hot button issues for the attack ads on which South Carolina residents voted are: candidates' speeding tickets, DMV wait times, and... cockfights. And in North Carolina, the governor appointed a judge to the State Supreme Court... but voters still had to elect her, or something? I don't get how that state works. Electorally or theoretically.

After we sat and relaxed for a couple minutes, Bev and I decided to explore South of the Border's numerous gift shops, which were really the only attractions open at this time of the year. (The rides, including the mysteriously titled "Pedro's Reality Ride," were closed for the season.) I quickly discovered that the complex does offer an authentic Mexico experience, if you go by Cartman's characterization of Mexico as "dozens and dozens of little trinket stores, but they all have the same little trinkets in them." Among other things, I purchased this obscene keychain:

I'm not yet sure what I'm going to do with him. For her part, Bev quickly discovered that, if you turn his head around, he becomes an obscene cameltoe keychain:

On Halloween, the next day, we spent a lot of the afternoon wandering around the park, so I could take pictures of Bev in her wedding dress next to concrete animals scattered therein. Like so:

There's also a giant sombrero tower in the middle of the SOB complex that's sort of like a space needle. Although the view is really impressive, the sombrero's two most prominent attributes are the hordes of wasps living in its brim, and the hilarious graffiti coating every reachable layer of paint:

In the interest of time, I'll cut short the remainder of the trip (whose final night was spent in New Haven, Connecticut, because they have a Papa John's Pizza place), but suffice to say it was a lot of fun, and many of the people reading this will be receiving mementoes.

So marriage is nice thus far. I'm telling you right now, though: this ring is driving me up the damn wall because I don't like wearing jewelry, and I'm sure I'm going to lose it in short order because I keep fiddling with it and nervously taking it off.

APPENDIX A: Liner notes for the mix CD that was passed out as a favor at the reception, entitled No! No! A Thousand Times No! Bev and Will in Song. The title is taken from a funny piece of 1934 sheet music Bev's mom picked up at a garage sale, by Al Sherman, Al Lewis, and Abner Silver. We amended the cover art into the following:

Also, I've restored a couple jokes that Bev had me remove from the final version.

1. Spiritualized- “Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space” Bev likes Pachelbel’s “Canon in D Major” and I like British space-pop. This cynical-yet-hopeful song has both! From Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space.

2. Mike Doughty- “Unsingable Name” (demo) Bev and I actually met thanks to our shared affection for Mike Doughty. I’d reviewed his out-of-print live album, Smofe + Smang, on The Disclaimer Music Review Archive website, and she e-mailed me to ask if I had any clue where she could get a copy. I offered to mail her a CD-R of it, and that led to a series of e-mails and packages being sent back and forth between Michigan ‘n’ Maine. And then, love. Who would’ve thought that a simple, everyday act of copyright infringement could bring us both so much happiness? Anyway, this song has some of the sweetest lyrics ever sung. I’m not sure where this version is from, but it’s pretty similar to the one on Haughty Melodic.

3. The dB’s- “Big Brown Eyes” This applies mostly to Bev’s beautiful, big, brown eyes, of course. To my knowledge, no one’s written a song called “Shifty Grayish Eyes” that would be more descriptive of me. Regardless, it’s a ludicrously catchy tune about improving an otherwise dull day by contemplating the perfection you see in someone. Such as Bev! From Stands for Decibels.

4. Of Montreal- “Disconnect the Dots” Of Montreal is one of my favorite bands because of the willfully naïve happiness they give off, and this song is simply ecstatic. It captures the celebratory feeling of finding a person with whom you can be completely uninhibited and goofy in a way that you can’t with anyone else. Bev and I are big fans of uninhibited goofiness. (Also, this song plays over the end credits of The Puffy Chair, a terrific movie Bev and I caught at the Maine International Film Festival the week after I moved out here.) It’s originally from Of Montreal’s addictive album Satanic Panic in the Attic.

5. Audrey Hepburn- “Moon River” One of the most indelible melodies in the history of American music. It’s such a gentle wisp of a song, but it still manages to communicate a strong feeling that everything you yearn for will come to pass if you’re open to it. Not a bad wedding sentiment, that. This version may or may not be on the Breakfast at Tiffany’s soundtrack, but it’s definitely on the 1993 compilation Music from the Films of Audrey Hepburn. (Dump also does a great version on the album Superpowerless.)

6. The Cure- “Lovecats” Playful and slinky! From Japanese Whispers.

7. Neutral Milk Hotel- “In the Aeroplane Over the Sea” I like songs that underscore the need to grab all the happiness you can out of life by gently emphasizing our mortality. After all, the fleetingness of everything makes love that much more special. From In the Aeroplane Over the Sea, one of the most beautiful albums ever recorded.

8. The Buggles- “I Love You (Miss Robot)” Yeah, we like robots. From The Age of Plastic.

9. Debbie Reynolds- “How Very Special Are We” Bev really wanted to include this song from the 1973 Charlotte’s Web cartoon. Like the Neutral Milk Hotel song above, it’s a sweet reminder of how improbably lucky we all are to have the blessings we have, because we could die without them, you know. Bev and I are both Big Picture people. Which means we’re lucky to have found each other for more reasons than one! The Charlotte’s Web soundtrack is long out-of-print, but Tasha Robinson, writer for The Onion’s A.V. Club, was gracious enough to e-mail me this song for inclusion here.

10. Magnetic Fields- “The Book of Love” We’re using this track for our first married dance. Stephin Merritt has a way of being simultaneously the most and least sentimental fellow in the world, which I like to think suits us just fine. From 69 Love Songs.

11. Andy M. Stewart and Manus Lunny- “Take Her in Your Arms” We like this pub-ready Irish ballad’s pithy appreciation of the courage it takes to give yourself to someone else. Plus, it uses the word bevy, which can’t be a coincidence. From Stewart’s album Dublin Lady, but we have it on the compilation Joyful Noise: Celtic Favorites from Green Linnet (a Christmas gift from Adrienne, a few years ago).

12. Meat Puppets- “Two Rivers” I think this is one of the most romantic things I’ve ever heard. Granted, Curt Kirkwood’s lyrics tend more toward stoned babbling than heartfelt poetry, but I find something indescribably comforting about lines like “Two rivers, different names/When they meet, the waters change.” I choose to take it as an understated metaphor for love. An understated, slightly off-key metaphor! With lots of noodly guitar work! From Up on the Sun.

13. David Clement- “Geriatriphilia” In this song, David imagines himself and his boyfriend as two cozy, dancing old men, and the vibe of familiar, unostentatious love it gives off is so tangible it could make you weep if you’re in the mood. Also, it’s totally about our parakeets. From Your Free Gift.

14. Tangerine Dream- “The Dance” Just some moody carnival music, from Tangerine Dream’s score to Legend. We were thinking of using this as our first dance, mimicking the ornate choreography from the song’s appearance in the film. Then we Netflixed the director’s cut and realized that Ridley Scott has excised both the scene and the entire score, probably to make room for some frickin’ unicorns. That bummed us out enough to give up on the idea, but the song’s still great so here it is. From the Legend soundtrack.

15. The Divine Comedy- “Perfect Lovesong” Both a brilliant pop song and a snarky parody of one, this employs every cheap musical trick in the book, right down to the big key change at the end… but you’ll fall for it every time. I like that I’ve found someone with whom I can both embrace and laugh at such silliness. (Bev.) From Regeneration.

16. Mason Jennings- “Sorry Signs on Cash Machines” To return the favor of sending her the aforementioned Mike Doughty album, Bev sent me a couple discs by stalwart folkster Mason Jennings when we first electronically virtually “met” computerizedly. This is one of his standout songs: all spacious, guileless, and as refreshing as a gas-station soda on a long road trip. Also, Bev notes, she wouldn’t have known about Mike Doughty if she hadn’t gone to see Mason Jennings live. And she wouldn’t have known about Mason, if Isla hadn’t sent her a CD player and a bunch of CDs. It’s all connected. From Century Spring.

17. Joe Hinchcliffe- “Winter” Joe is a buddy of mine, and a ridiculously nice person, whose Beach Boys obsession is forgivable because it contributes to songwriting this pretty. It’s great fireplace-cuddlin’ music. There’s another version of this on Joe’s Mid Day Rising EP. If you want to hear more of his music (and you do), e-mail him at jcjh20[at]hotmail.com.

18. Nancy Adams- “Love” I like this song, from Disney’s Robin Hood, because it makes love seem like such a no-brainer; there’s nothing fancy about it. Nice and organic. The (eminently fallible, it should be noted) All Music Guide has no record of the Robin Hood soundtrack ever being properly released, but this song is available in the Classic Disney Collection box.

19. Pernice Brothers- “The Weakest Shade of Blue” This is one of those rock songs so supernaturally memorable and infectious that you can just close your eyes and let it wash over you, and it will be coursing through your veins for the rest of your life. Joe Pernice writes many such songs, but it’s rare that he’s so nakedly romantic, though he admits that “the love I have for you is… ruinous and true.” It’s kind of annoying to keep saying that we can’t accept sweet songs without a little darkness lurking underneath, I know, like we’re Daria or something, but Joe does it so well! We saw Pernice Brothers perform at a great little club in Portland. There’s a story, too, which you should ask Bev about. From Yours, Mine & Ours.

20. Iron & Wine- “Such Great Heights” This is a cover of The Postal Service’s startlingly happy electro-pop ode to the special world two lovers occupy. Bev likes this whispered acoustic version better than the original, and since compromise is an important part of marriage, I didn’t argue. From the Postal Service’s Such Great Heights EP, and also from that M&M’s commercial, I’m sorry to say.

21. Talking Heads- “Uh-Oh, Love Comes to Town” It may take a little while to realize that David Byrne is being genuine in his high-pitched yelps (my bride doesn’t entirely buy it), but to me, he sounds really content in the bafflement that love provides. [Bev note: I like it, but it does sound like a kennel.] Just part of the puzzle of trying to figure someone else out, which results in as much fun as frustration, I think. Like a really well written crossword. It’s impossible to use a steel drum and not be happy, in our opinion. From Talking Heads 77.

22. SpongeBob SquarePants- “The Best Day Ever” Yes, we like songs from cartoons. At any rate, SpongeBob’s unwavering optimism, mining happiness and fun from the most mundane activities, is enough to even plaster a grin on Squidward’s face. Bev points out that, although it applies to our wedding day, the title really should be “The Best Day Ever… So Far!” Semantic precision is important! From The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie soundtrack.

23. Ween- “Stay Forever” Ween are notorious for hilariously jokey songs like “Push th’ Little Daisies,” so it’s odd to see them squeeze out a genuine love song, but they pull it off here. Just evidence that Cupid pile-drives everyone, I suppose… From White Pepper. (Hey, Beth!)

24. The Reindeer Section- “Will You Please Be There For Me” Sarah Ehrlich-Castañeda is going to play this song at our ceremony. (Already has, if you’re reading this.) It’s so cute and vulnerable! From Y’all Get Scared Now, Ya Hear!

25. Cat Power- “I Found a Reason” Because what comes is better than what came before. From The Covers Record.

APPENDIX B: Tracklists of mix CDs I made to play at the wedding reception:

DISC ONE:
1. Boney M: "Rasputin"
2. NRBQ: "Rain at the Drive-In"
3. Nancy Adams: "Love"
4. Santo and Johnny: "Istanbul (Not Constantinople)"
5. Shooby Taylor: "Stout-Hearted Men"
6. Of Montreal: "Disconnect the Dots"
7. Johnny and Jones: "Three Little Fishies"
8. Ramones: "Slug"
9. OMC: "How Bizarre"
10. SpongeBob SquarePants: "The Best Day Ever"
11. Thievery Corporation (feat. the Flaming Lips): "Marching the Hate Machines (Into the Sun)"
12. Brewer & Shipley: "One Toke Over the Line"
13. Twink: "Pussy Cat"
14. Magnetic Fields: "The Book of Love"
15. Massive Attack: "Teardrop"
16. Edith Frost: "Wonder Wonder"
17. The Fleetwoods: "Mr. Blue"
18. Belle & Sebastian: "Legal Man"
19. Madness: "It Must Be Love"
20. Herman's Hermits: "Leaning on a Lamp Post"
21. Exploding Hearts: "I'm a Pretender"
22. M.I.A.: "Pull Up the People"
23. Mercury Rev: "Goddess on a Hiway"
24. Jim Croce: "Bad, Bad Leroy Brown"
25. The Handsome Family: "Drunk by Noon"

DISC TWO:
1. The Penguins: "Earth Angel"
2. Avalanches: "Frontier Psychiatrist"
3. 16 Horsepower: "Black Lung"
4. Pulseprogramming: "Blooms Eventually"
5. Drugstore (feat. Thom Yorke): "El President"
6. Roger Miller: "King of the Road"
7. The Soft Boys: "Queen of Eyes"
8. Spiritualized: "Ladies and Gentlemen We Are Floating in Space"
9. Debbie Reynolds: "How Very Special Are We"
10. To Rococo Rot: "Telema"
11. The Spinners: "Rubberband Man"
12. Touch Me Zoo: "Twenty-Three Cents"
13. Herb Alpert: "Green Peppers"
14. Turtles: "So Happy Together"
15. Arthur Fields: "Good Morning Mr. Zip-Zip-Zip"
16. Super Furry Animals: "Juxtapozed with U"
17. Electric Six: "Danger! High Voltage"
18. Mike Doughty: "Unsingable Name"
19. Cat Power: "I Found a Reason"
20. The dB's: "Big Brown Eyes"
21. Mason Jennings: "Sorry Signs on Cash Machines"
22. Hem: "Halfacre"
23. Fannypack: "Hey Mami (Sharaz Mix)"
24. The Free Design: "Kites are Fun"
25. Johnny Cymbal: "Mr. Bassman"
26. Epoxies: "Everything Looks Beautiful on Video"

DISC THREE:
1. Mouse on Mars: "Actionist Respoke"
2. Four Preps: "26 Miles"
3. Cardigans: "Lovefool"
4. Taco: "Puttin' on the Ritz"
5. Andy M. Stewart and Manus Lunny: "Take Her in Your Arms"
6. Kenny Rogers and the First Edition: "Just Dropped In (to See What Condition My Condition Was In)"
7. Pernice Brothers: "The Weakest Shade of Blue"
8. Men Without Hats: "Pop Goes the World"
9. Shane Nicholson: "Designed to Fade"
10. Joe Hinchcliffe: "Winter"
11. Swingers: "Lovesick"
12. Tied + Tickled Trio: "Octant"
13. The Advantage: "Bubble Bobble"
14. Lush: "For Love"
15. The Monkees: "Randy Scouse Git"
16. Fay Lovsky: "Alle Liedjes op de Radio"
17. Tim Buckley: "Song to the Siren" (Monkees version)
18. John Southworth: "It's Not the End of the World"
19. Dump: "The Words Get Stuck in My Throat"
20. Buzzcocks: "Love You More"
21. Bats: "Land 'o' Lakes"
22. Leapy Lee: "Little Arrows"
23. Air: "Le Soleil est Pres de Moi"

DISC FOUR:
1. Bollywood Brass Band: "Kehta Hai Mera Dil"
2. Neutral Milk Hotel: "In the Aeroplane Over the Sea"
3. Mr. Scruff: "Fish"
4. Sloan: "Sugartune"
5. The Cure: "Lovecats"
6. LL Cool J: "Mama Said Knock You Out"
7. Spinvis: "Astronout"
8. Sparklehorse: "Gold Day"
9. Buggles: "I Love You (Miss Robot)"
10. The Eels: "I Like Birds"
11. Nina Simone: "I Want a Little Sugar in My Bowl"
12. Thinking Fellers Union Local 282: "Noble Experiment"
13. The Other Leading Brand: "Our Music is Rubbish (But It's Making Us Millionaires)"
14. Gang of Four: "I Found That Essence Rare"
15. Decemberists: "The Chimbley Sweep"
16. Crowded House: "Private Universe" (live)
17. Camper Van Beethoven: "Sad Lovers Waltz"
18. Lambchop: "Give Me Your Love (Love Song)"
19. Wall of Voodoo: "Mexican Radio"
20. Gillian Welch: "Everything is Free"

DISC FIVE:
1. Lieutenant Pigeon: "Mouldy Old Dough"
2. Thom Yorke: "Harrowdown Hill"
3. Roxy Music: "Love is the Drug"
4. Mazzy Star: "Fade Into You"
5. Shang-Ri-Las: "I Can Never Go Home Anymore"
6. Talking Heads: "Lifetime Piling Up"
7. Frank Zappa and the Mothers of Invention: "Bow Tie Daddy"
8. Mitchell Froom and Ron Sexsmith: "Overcast"
9. The Del-Vikings: "Come Go With Me"
10. Pet Shop Boys: "It's a Sin"
11. Mr. Encrypto: "Long After Long"
12. The Plugz: "Reel Ten"
13. Mono Puff: "Extra Krispy"
14. David Clement: "Geriatriphilia"
15. Jenny Lewis with the Watson Twins: "Melt Your Heart"
16. Southern Culture on the Skids: "House of Bamboo"
17. Dennis Wilson and Rumbo: "Lady"
18. Audrey Hepburn: "Moon River"
19. Rasputina: "The Olde Headboard"
20. Pan American: "Code"
21. Benoit Charest: "Belleville Rendez-Vous"
22. Kate Bush: "There Goes a Tenner"
23. Big Bill Broonzy: "Why Don't You Do Right?"
24. Supergrass: "Time to Go"

APPENDIX C: Text of our wedding invitations:

Salutations!
We warmly request the pleasure of Your
Company on Saturday, October twenty-eighth
at one-thirty-o'-clock post meridiem, punctually,
to attend the marriage of Her Ladyship
Beverly Dianna Snowden
to His Lordship
Christopher-Andrew Willie Williams (of the
Michigan Williamses)
at Edgewood Farm in Deer Isle, Maine.
We hope that Nothing may dis-appoint us of
seeing you there.
Cordially,
The Future Lord & Lady Williams
Fancy-Pants are optional.
For further directives with regard to the Most Blessed
Matrimony of Beverly and Christopher, we gently
suggest you visit:
http://weddings.theknot.com/pwp/view/co_main.aspx?coupleid=3269315168415825
on your Computer-ized Typing Device.
The favor of an Answer is Humbly requested.
Please kind-ly return the appropriate reply card in the
Enclosed Envelope, via Postal carrier, post-haste. A
reply is requested by September 1st, 2006.

Text of reply card:

___ Yes, The Future Lord and Lady Williams'
very kind invitation to their Marriage and
Celebration thereof is accepted with sincere pleasure.

___ Alas, no! We regret sincerely our in-ability to
accept Lord and Ladyship's very tempting in-vitation
to your Marriage. Another Engagement must
deprive us of the Pleasure.

CURRENT MUSIC: Promise of Love by American Analog Set.
CURRENT MOOD:
Alright.
HILARIOUS NONSENSE WORD BEV GOT MAD AT ME FOR NOT UNDERSTANDING WHEN SHE WAS TALKING IN HER SLEEP:
Dersocksat.
TIME:
4:24 p.m.

Doot? | |

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