Disclaimer HomeDisclaimer Music Review ArchiveThe Airbag's Lipstick KissLyricsWillie's Off-Brand Web JournalPressFrequently Asked Qs. Get As!Desiccant Records: Do Not Eat!


Willie's Off-Brand Web Journal: May 24--August 12, 2010

Monday, May 24, 2010:

To begin with, my computer is fixed and I would be recording music again if I had time. I have not had time. I have been busy transcribing speeches and interviews from any number of bottomlessly terrible people ranging from a representative of the Monsanto Edible Abominations Against God and Nature corporation (NYSE: MEAAGN!!!) to one of the Bush administration's many draftsmen of global economic ruin, Hank Paulson. I suppose it's reasonably ironic that my dreams of one day being able to sell out my ideals by licensing one of my original songs to an ad campaign for a gross multinational corporation for an absurdly large sum of money have been deferred by my immediate need to sell out my ideals by recording for posterity the pitter-patter of unchecked capitalist greed for pitiably less money.

And for further irony, considering the irresponsibly-difficult-to-parse nature of the previous sentence, I am speaking to you today because Adrienne has prevailed upon me to assemble a writing portfolio and I require your assistance.

Though it's not much in evidence lately, I do really love to write. And although mental health concerns led me to bow out of a couple of low-pressure opportunities to do so in my mid-20s, it's still probably the thing I'm best at and, as Adrienne pointed out, it's kind of dumb not to try to make something good happen as a result of that. As such, it makes sense for me to have a properly vetted bundle of clips handy, since I inevitably make poor choices if I'm asked to assemble a selection on short notice. (I can't remember the exact circumstances, but I have a distinct memory of realizing too late that I'd responded to a prospective employer's request for a writing sample by submitting a piece that contained an unfortunate deployment of the word dildo.) The problem is I really have no idea what pieces I've written might comprise a strong case that I have some sort of skill in that area.

The Soul Coughing primer I wrote for No Ripcord was apparently considered informative enough that it's been linked from Soul Coughing's Wikipedia page, but, as with most of the music criticism I wrote at age 22, it kind of has a know-it-all vibe that makes me cringe in retrospect. I do like that track-by-track review of The Best of the 80's Decade I wrote a couple months back. Maybe that's a contender?

I think my favorite thing I've ever written is The Disclaimer Adam Baldwin Review Archive, simply because it's an inexcusably silly project that gave me a lot of different things to write about, but it's way, way too long to be useful as a snapshot of my "talent" or "style." I guess maybe I could compile a few selections from the longer piece? Is that a good idea? (I also really like the fake news article I wrote about a fictional Jack the Ripper museum in Boston, but that's really just more silliness with no weight or purpose to it, and I'm leaning toward excluding that as well.)

I really am feeling kind of baffled about what I might include in this portfolio, uncharacteristically enthusiastic as I actually am about the idea of putting it together, so I am turning to you. Not that I expect anyone looking at this to have retained anything of mine they've read, let alone to have any sort of "favorites," but just in case there's a dangerously obsessive lurker out there who was intensely impressed by something I once said, now's the time to let me know of your existence by bestowing specific accolades upon me! I would also greatly appreciate any sort of feedback or direction the other seven of you might be able to provide (beyond "Don't let the Washington Post draw you into a life of indentured servitude").

Okay, back to typing up the many virtues of Monsanto's luxurious new breed of technologically blessed dairy cows. Eyes replaced by LED stock tickers! Udders emit pleasing bagpipe dirges when milked! 80% greater cognizance of the cruel, cruel cosmic joke their very existence constitutes!

CURRENT MUSIC: Winking Makes a Face by Tadd Mullinix.
CURRENT MOOD:
Angry, almost always.
CURRENT NUMBER OF GOLDEN GIRLS DISCS LEFT TO WATCH:
20.
TIME:
5:01 p.m.

Doot?

PAST JOURNAL ENTRIES: May 3, 2003-May 9, 2003. May 10, 2003-May 16, 2003. May 17-May 24, 2003. May 25-May 31, 2003. June 1-June 7, 2003. June 8-June 13, 2003. June 14-June 21, 2003. June 22-July 1, 2003. July 2-July 13, 2003. July 14-July 20, 2003. July 21-July 26, 2003. July 27-August 4, 2003. August 5-August 9, 2003. August 10-August 16, 2003. August 17-August 23, 2003. August 24-August 30, 2003. August 31-September 6, 2003. September 7-September 13, 2003. September 14-September 20, 2003. September 21-September 29, 2003. September 30-October 4, 2003. October 5-October 11, 2003. October 12-October 19, 2003. October 20-October 26, 2003. October 27-November 1, 2003. November 2-November 16, 2003. November 17-December 3, 2003. December 4-December 12, 2003. December 13-December 20, 2003. December 21-December 27, 2003. December 28, 2003-January 3, 2004. January 4-January 11, 2004. January 12-January 17, 2004. January 18-January 24, 2004. January 25-January 31, 2004. February 1-February 8, 2004. February 9-February 14, 2004. February 15-February 24, 2004. February 25-February 29, 2004. March 1-March 7, 2004. March 8-March 25, 2004. March 26-April 7, 2004. April 8-April 17, 2004. April 18-April 24, 2004. April 25-May 3, 2004. May 4-May 10, 2004. May 11-May 15, 2004. May 16-May 25, 2004. May 26-June 7, 2004. June 8-June 12, 2004. June 13-June 19, 2004. June 20-June 26, 2004. June 27-July 7, 2004. July 8-July 20, 2004. July 21-July 31, 2004. August 1-August 6, 2004. August 7-August 28, 2004. August 29-September 6, 2004. September 7-September 19, 2004. September 20-October 1, 2004. October 2-October 16, 2004. October 17-November 3, 2004. November 4-November 13, 2004. November 14-November 27, 2004. November 28-December 15, 2004. December 16-December 22, 2004. December 23, 2004-January 8, 2005. January 9-January 23, 2005. January 24, February 3, 2005! February 4-February 29, 2005. March 1-April 16-2005. April 17-April 24, 2005. April 25-May 6, 2005. May 7-May 26, 2005. May 27-June 7, 2005. June 8-June 19, 2005. June 20-July 1, 2005. July 2-July 23, 2005. July 24-July 30, 2005. July 31-August 26, 2005. August 27-September 13, 2005. September 14-October 11, 2005. October 12-November 13, 2005. November 14-December 7, 2005. December 8, 2005- January 16, 2006. January 17-January 29, 2006. January 30-February 20, 2006. February 21-March 12, 2006. March 13-May 20, 2006. May 21-June 18, 2006. June 19-September 8, 2006. September 9-September 30, 2006. October 1-November 4, 2006. November 5-December 7, 2006. December 8, 2006-January 3, 2007. January 4-February 2, 2007. February 3-February 16, 2007. February 17-April 14, 2007. April 15-June 17, 2007. June 18-July 8, 2007. July 9-July 30, 2007. July 31-September 10, 2007. September 11-October 9, 2007. October 10-November 2, 2007. November 3-November 26, 2007. November 27, 2007-January 5, 2008. January 6-January 22, 2008. January 23-February 9, 2008. February 10-March 12, 2008. March 13-April 1, 2008. April 2-April 20, 2008. April 21-May 27, 2008. May 28-August 18, 2008. August 19-October 5, 2008. October 6, 2008-November 15, 2008. November 16-December 5, 2008. December 6, 2008-February 28, 2009. March 1-April 24, 2009. April 25-June 13, 2009. June 14-July 6, 2009. July 7--December 30, 2009. December 31, 2009--February 1, 2010. February 2--February 28, 2010. March 1--April 2, 2010. April 3--May 23, 2010.


BACK TO DISCLAIMER HOME