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Willie's Off-Brand Web Journal: May 27-June 7, 2005

Thursday, June 2, 2005:

Today, my brother sent me the following e-mail:

"So the San Francisco 49ers made a training video to show to their players in their minicamp that gives them tips about dealing with the media, what to do if they get arrested, and things like that. Only problem is that the video involved dressing their Public Relations Director up like the mayor, parading him around town, and acting out scenes that make fun of gays and Asian people. As a bonus it has loads of profanity and topless women.

"What could possibly go wrong??

"Maybe that someone would leak a copy of the tape to the SF newspaper and they'd put it online for all of us to enjoy! The PR guy has already resigned.... http://sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2005/06/01/MNNINRSXCRPTS.TMP

"Enjoy!

"-[T-Bone]"

Now, tell me that I don't have the coolest brother in all the land.

CURRENT MUSIC: Mutantes by Os Mutantes.
CURRENT MOOD: Wiggly.
STATUS OF ELASTIC IN BOXERS I'M CURRENTLY WEARING: Still springy!
TIME: 8:06 PM.

Doot? | |

Wednesday, June 1, 2005:

I woke myself up laughing in the middle of the night, because I dreamt that I'd woken up from another dream, next to Bev, and then nudged her awake, at which point we had the following conversation:

ME: Bev, is there such a thing as an inflata-bowl?
BEV: [groggily] A what?
ME: An inflata-bowl. Like, an inflatable bowl you can put snack chips in. I dreamed that I invented one. Does such a thing exist?
BEV: It's too stupid an idea not to exist somewhere.
ME: Yeah, I was kind of ashamed of it even in my dream.

CURRENT MUSIC: Transhuman Revolution by Barcelona.
CURRENT MOOD: Robotic.
CURRENT MISSION IN LIFE: To locate the kicky piece of music that plays in the beach scene in 8 1/2, when Saraghina is dancing the rhumba. Way to not put the best musical selection from the film on its soundtrack album, Nino Rota. Congratulations on joining the rank of Madonna after she refused to allow "This Used to be My Playground" to be included on the A League of Their Own soundtrack, nutslab.
TIME: 8:10 AM.

Doot? | |

Saturday, May 28, 2005:

Tomorrow, I'm heading down to Troy for my cousin Calley's birthday party. I got her season one of Newlyweds because I don't know her taste that well and the only other suggestion I'd been given was the Kelly Clarkson (Clarkston? I don't care enough to know for sure) album. More entertainingly, I've made a punk compilation for Calley's older sister Caitlin, because Caitlin thinks Jimmy Eat World is punk, and I therefore need to nip that in the butt.

Yes. The butt. I know what I said.

Anyway, I had some help assembling it from the Babblers even though I wound up not including most of their suggestions because of time limitations. I also had to dump a lot of really important artists like Black Flag, X, The Minutemen, and Devo, which was depressing, but I figure she'll wind up seeking them out if she gets into punk anyway. (Her dad's nickname is "Devo," after all, because he's such a big fan. He's the one who got me into them in the first place, and who gave me my Devo Energy Dome, so I'm sure Caitlin has access to their discography.) Plus, she's already aware of the Buzzcocks. So I think I wound up with a pretty-pretty good tracklist here, showcasing a pretty wide variety of punklike bands and punk standards alongside lesser-known treasures. Let me know whatcha think:

1. Radio Birdman- "Aloha Steve & Danno"
2. Urinals- "I'm a Bug"
3. Bad Religion- "Atomic Garden"
4. New Bomb Turks- "Veronica Lake"
5. Butthole Surfers- "Human Cannonball"
6. Runaways- "Cherry Bomb"
7. The Clash- "White Riot"
8. XTC- "Are You Receiving Me?" (Coat of Many Cupboards version)
9. Adverts- "Gary Gilmore's Eyes"
10. Pogues- "The Sick Bed of Cuchulainn"
11. Yeah Yeah Yeahs- "Tick"
12. The Damned- "Neat Neat Neat"
13. Ween- "Wayne's Pet Youngin'"
14. Wire- "1 2 X U"
15. Nomeansno- "The Day Everything Became Nothing"
16. Sex Pistols- "Anarchy in the UK"
17. Killjoys- "Today I Hate Everyone"
18. Replacements- "Bastards of Young"
19. Ramones- "Slug"
20. Dead Kennedys- "MTV- Get Off the Air"
21. Sleater-Kinney- "Stay Where You Are"
22. Pere Ubu- "Non-Alignment Pact"
23. Shonen Knife- "Flying Jelly Attack"
24. Gang of Four- "I Found That Essence Rare"
25. Husker Du- "Hate Paper Doll"
26. L7- "Pretend We're Dead"
27. King Missile- "Pickaxe"
28. Dead Milkmen- "Moron"
29. Bad Brains- "House of Suffering"

CURRENT MUSIC: The punk mix.
CURRENT MOOD:
Carefree. And Bubble Yum.
CURRENT CONSPIRACY THEORY:
If Apollo 11 did indeed land on the moon, why didn't macho meatheads Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong take any pictures of one another hoisting the lunar rover over their heads in the low moon gravity? I totally would've. (And also, why didn't Michael Collins take off and leave them stranded while they were out running around, out of jealousy that he had to stay in the ship? I totally would've done that too.)
TIME:
6:40 PM.

Doot? | |

Friday, May 27, 2005:

At work, Robin and I were discussing the still-looming specter of the nuclear option (thanks to PiJ for the link), and I mentioned that most of its proponents probably pronounce it "the nu-kyoo-lur option" and joked that once they had ultimate control, their first order of business would be to get Webster to recognize that as the proper pronunciation. Zing!

Anyway, despite my thuddingly unfunny attempt at humor, I looked in the dictionary on my desk, and it's already in there. For the "nuclear" entry, it states "Usage: Though disapproved of by many, pronunciations ending in [kyoo-lur- amended 'cause I don't know how to type a schwa] have been found in widespread use among educated speakers including scientists, lawyers, professors, congressmen, U.S. cabinet members, and at least one U.S. president and once vice president. While most common in the U.S., these pronunciations have also been heard from British and Canadian speakers."

Robin conjectured that they threw it in there as a sop to Dubya, but my dictionary is from 1993, so he can't be the president to whom they're referring. (Besides, if Webster wanted to placate the Bush administration, they'd just make an entry for doubleplusungood or something.) My guess is LBJ. Regardless, it's depressing that this pronunciation is recognized and legitimized by Webster. As, if you look further, are "liberry" and "folage." ("Supposebly" has been thus far ignored.)

We are dumb.

CURRENT MUSIC: See You Later Oscillator by The Spacewurm. (Which? By the way? Is awesome. And as depressing as everything above.)
CURRENT MOOD:
Wiped out.
CURRENT BEST WEBSITE EVER:
Overheard in New York. WOMAN #1: "Ah, look at those beautiful puppies." WOMAN #2: "Puppies are bullshit."
TIME:
5:20 PM.

Doot? | |

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