disclaimer is not a toy

Links to Other Good Sites

Well, this is pretty self-explanatory. These are non-music review websites that just happen to be pretty entertaining, so you should probably go and visit 'em, I guess. Please do not send us e-mails asking us to post your site here, because we won't unless you're doing something amazing. And you're not.

The Onion- Duh. I'm sure that 99.99999% of you already know about The Onion, which is the funniest- and most fearlessly barbed- satirical publication in all the land, so I thought I'd talk about one of the least-remarked upon aspects of the site: the teasers. These are headlines that do not correspond to an adjoining article (much like you can see at the top of any newspaper's front page), and they are, week in and week out, often the most hysterical bits of The Onion. Some of my favorite examples: "Hank Williams Jr. Honored by Institute for Football Preparedness," "Deaf Child Watches from Lawn as City Puts Up 'Deaf Child' Sign," "Special Olympics T-Ball Stand Pitches Perfect Game," "Best Buy Idea Box Brimming with Urine," "Ebert Victorious," "Jurisprudence Fetishist Gets Off on Technicality," "You Can Tell Area Bank Used to be a Pizza Hut," "Date with Proctologist Ends Predictably," "Hair Salon Acquires Rare Nagel Print"... I'd better stop.

The Editing Room: Abridged Scripts for Movies- Rod Hilton is a boundlessly intelligent man whose hatred of mainstream Hollywood garbage enjoys a similar lack of bounds. So what's he doing about it? Rod writes "abridged" scripts for most of the crappy films that come out, boiling down every film into hilarious, bite-sized summaries that emphasize their flaws above all else. Sometimes his summaries are so inspired that your mouth just gapes in awe (he combines Sweet November and Autumn in New York into one script: Sweet Autumn in November in New York), and sometimes it's simply sophomorically hilarious (from the Cast Away script: "HELEN HUNT: 'Since I can play nobody other than my character from Mad About You, I will be slightly distant yet lovable and pretty. I love you, Tom Hanks. Please don't get stranded on an island while delivering your FEDEX packages.'"), but they're always good for a chuckle. Beware of the scripts that are written by outside contributors, though: while Peter Rauch's summaries of Kevin Smith's films are a scream and Jenelle Lynn Riley's Patch Adams script is brilliant, most of the other ones don't come close to being up to Rod's acerbic standards.

Thee Official Nardwuar the Human Serviette Website- Nardwuar the Human Serviette is a sort-of rock journalist from Canada who makes it his business to irritate celebrities by asking them annoyingly irrelevant (though amazingly well-researched) questions... and then interrupting them while they try to answer. It's not like Stuttering John Menendez's schtick, where he just insults the celebrities- Nardwuar is way too subtle for that. He just bombards them with rapid-fire arcana until the celebs give up in disgust. While I find it easiest to simply read the transcripts of the interviews (due to all the interrupting), you can also download audio and video clips. See Beck hang up on Nardwuar ("So, Beck, you are coming to Vancouver soon. Who is the Prime Minister of Canada?)! See Nardwuar humiliate Oasis sibling Paul Gallagher! See Nardwaur irritate Sonic Youth to the point where they smash his stuff and run away! Plus, there's a jankly, not-very-obnoxious-at-all interview with Dan Savage on there!

Am I Hot or Not?- The phrase "guilty pleasure" is often applied to this site, on which you can view pics of thousands of ordinary people, and rate their "hotness" on a scale of one (not) to ten (hot). I personally don't think there's anything guilty about it. It's good, shallow fun!

Acts of Gord- If you work in retail or have ever worked in retail, you know that tales of stupid customers are the manna upon which retail and food service workers subsist. Well, the Gord is a guy who owns a videogame store in Canada, and who gives hope to us all with his hilarious stories of his intellectually challenged patrons. Best of all, since Gord is the owner of the place, he is free to treat said idiots as shabbily as he pleases without fear of getting written up! The webmaster swears these stories are all true, so it's a vicarious victory for all of us when, say, Gord posts the phone number of a deadbeat customer on the wall of the store (so other customers can call and remind her to return her rented games). I've taken to reading it every night after I return from a long day of listening to people ask me for Fire Hydrant 451 when they mean Fahrenheit 451.